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When in Sweden do as Swedes do
One of the problems, apart from the language, facing someone who has emigrated to a foreign country is the question of etiquette. This can be quite difficult, since what is considered good manners in one country may be quite the opposite in another.
When I came to Sweden couple of years ago I found that British etiquette and Swedish etiquette were not the same thing at all. Take queuing at bus stops, for instance. I don´t think Swedes have ever heard of the word. Once a bus pulls up it is ever man for himself. Yet, in England, to get on a bus out of turn would be considered the height of bad manners.
Another thing I found that just " wasn´t done" was to call on a Swede without giving at least 24-hours´ notice. When I first came here, of course, I didn´t realize this, so when at a party a Swedish couple said to me, "you must come and visit us some time", I took them at their word and called around one afternoon.
I wouldn't go so far as to say they were shocked, but they were certainly embarrassed and the woman kept apologizing for the flat being such a "terrible mess". I must admit that it seemed perfectly tidy to me - unless the "terrible mess" she was referring to was an ash-tray which had two cigarette-ends in it! Anyway, after that experience I always made sure I phoned first before calling on anyone.
But perhaps the most difficult thing of all to learn are Swedish eating and drinking habits. To begin with, there is the question of punctuality. In England, if you are invited to dinner at 7.30, it's quite acceptable - indeed normal - to arrive either fifteen or twenty minutes before or after the stated time. Not so in Sweden! 7.30 means 7.30 and to arrive a second early or late is considered very bad manners indeed. In fact it is said ( although I´ve never actually witnesses this myself ) that Swedes wait outside the door of the house or flat of the people they are visiting doing a sort of NASA count-down where the bell is pressed on reaching zero!
Then there are flowers. I wasn't aware that you had to take the paper off before presenting them to the person you were visiting. It seems illogical to me when I was told about it and it still does. I mean, what on earth are you supposed to do with the paper once you have taken it off the flowers?
At most Swedish dinner parties the guest play a rather quaint game called "pass the butter knife". The rules are somewhat vague, but from what I can gather seems to be a question of putting either too much or too little butter on the butter knife, then passing it to someone else. this gesture is usually accompanied by a sort of code word "varsågod". I never really discovered the object of this game, but to refuse to play it is certain to ensure that you will never be invited back for another dinner party.
Another difference I have noticed is in the way Swedes eat soup. In England, you are taught from the moment you can hold a spoon to move it away from you when eating soup and towards you when eating desserts. In Sweden however, it seems to be perfectly all right to move your spoon towards you no matter what you are eating.
But if eating habits are confusing they are simplicity itself compared to drinking habits. Before you can start drinking at a Swedish dinner party you have to wait until someone says "skål". This is accompanied by staring and nodding at everyone present in turn - both before and after drinking. Needless to say, I knew nothing of this before coming here. Consequently, at the first dinner party I was invited to, as soon as I got a glass of schnapps I started drinking it. I couldn't understand why everyone was staring at me until the person sitting next to me explained that it just "wasn't done" to drink without saying "skål". So at my next dinner party, as soon as I had received my schnapps I shouted "skål" and emptied my glass. Again, I got disapproving looks. You just can't win, can you?
This article was found somewhere on the internet, the author is (still) unkown.
Malin & Guido
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